3.11.2009

When inspiration struck

Today we went to get that CD out of my computer. The Apple Store is such a pain. They got it out but weren't able to do anything about the CD drive, which is apparently super-broken. Now it constantly thinks there's a CD going in and out of the drive, so it's always making noise. I even tried to put a CD I didn't want in there so it would shut up, but now there's even something blocking the insertion place! So now I've got this old CD stuck halfway in my computer, and it's STILL making noise. I can't wait for a new one. I will take especially good care of it. I think the reason this one has so many problems is because I was really hard on it in the early years.
I also can't wait for an iPhone! Man, I really spoil myself. Apple is lucky to have me as a customer.

I took a two-hour nap today on accident. I wanted to do some other things but didn't because I was dreaming about being a secret agent at a dojo party. My assigned task was to kill some guy with heroin-laced chewing gum; he was supposed to OD and die (by the way, it was some dude I'd never seen before, not anyone who actually attends the dojo). I screwed up and gave everyone at the party the chewing gum, which was hidden under a pile of laundry (?), so everyone got sick. K Sensei suspected it was me, so I had to run. I apparently wasn't very good at hiding, though, because L had to run with me and show me how to hide. He seems like he'd be good at hiding in real life. We hid under beds, in forests, and from CIA and FBI agents. Turns out, though, that the CIA agents were actually on my side and knew about my mission. Anyway, so we ran and hid and ran and hid all over the country, and finally, by lying and maneuvering very carefully, I was able to convince everyone it wasn't me. But then the people who knew it was me turned on me! Before I could shoot everyone Jack Bauer-style, I woke up.
I dream about aikido people all the time. My dreams are always bizarre, rarely sexual, and impossible to confuse with real life. You know how people have the same kind of dream often, like they're being chased or missing an exam in college or falling or flying? Yeah, I never have dream reruns. Ever. Not even close.

I went to Tip Top Bike Shop today. It was awesome! I went in for a new headlight since the one I had before was bulky and cheap and just recently shattered into a million pieces. The people there were nice and knowledgable and showed me the best lights instead of letting me fall for a more expensive one that I didn't need.

Tonight at aikido was my first thing where a bunch of people attack you at once. In my case, it was only two. EDIT: I thought it was called yokomen, but I could be very, very wrong. It was not very good, but it was my first. I have a kyu test at the end of this month or beginning of next. I also took the next step toward high falls: "the dog." So now my butt hurts real bad. It hurt already from doing lunges and squats yesterday.

I used to write. Lots of stories and even started what I thought would be a novel. Then as I had less spare time in high school, I stuck with poetry as it could be as short as I wanted. Then in college, I had all my love for writing beaten or sucked out of me; to hear people who know better criticize every word you scribble with nothing positive to say or even any desire to just leave it alone for once really decreases one's motivation to write. The professors did this to everyone I knew except the people who wrote exactly like they would, so I have no idea how some are still sticking with it.
Anyway, I miss it, but I wrote a lot of interesting yet nonsensical things while I was sick. Here's one:

-

urgency
colors everything i do.
i know that i’m running out of time.

when i’m lonely,
i reach out to whoever will listen,
selling my soul for their love
regardless of its quality.
it’s because i want to live everything
and be everything
and feel everything,
no matter how much it hurts.

i don’t want to die,
and i fear it every moment.
i want to have the full experience
of being alive
and knowing i couldn’t have done any better.

but i’m also afraid
of living as i please
and being what i dream
and feeling how i want
and giving myself to you.

-

I used to consider myself very good at this. And the piano. Sigh. I need to practice all my skills more.

I like this freelance editing I'm doing. It's much more challenging and varied so far.

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous12.3.09

    Yokomen (or yokomenuchi) is when they bring their arm down to hit you, but at an angle (not sriaght down liek the Psycho movie, which is shomen or shomenuchi). People grabing both your shoulders is ryo kata dori. As is, ryo (both) kata (arms/shoulders) dori (grab).

    You should blog more aikido dreams :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you, mystery person. You are so knowledgeable!
    I might when I have them. I had a dream about BART last night.
    s

    ReplyDelete

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