Fashion cuties and uglies.

Look! My new boots!

OK, these are vintage from Ebay, so they're not really new. CUTE! I might need to put a nonslip sole on the bottom. I haven't decided whether to polish them or not.

And these are freecycled (read: didn't cost me a penny), so they're not exactly new, either.
But they're new to me! They're OK; at least they are not full of holes like my old pair. I need to clean them and figure out what to do about this gold buckle, because it is not working for me.

Look at the hideous things American Apparel has chosen to offer this spring:

A swimsuit with a hood? WTF?

Who are you, MC Hammer during Black History Month?

I know some '80s looks are coming back, but give me a break. And the cameltoe? PUH-LEASE.

OK, I admit this is hideous, but am I wrong in thinking that it's just the right kind of ugly to be cute? It also comes in black, which is way classier.

I'm working on a new project of my own making. Only C and my mom know about it. Once it's ready to go public, there will be a huge announcement.

I put my Facebook in pirate mode. Ask me how if you want to know.

Coming home from work, I saw a guy whose beard must have been at least this long:

It was all wrapped up in some wire tube thing he must have made for it, and it wrapped around his neck and over his other shoulder. What?
I also saw some dude with a rattail! I could have sworn those died when I was in, like, second grade.

It may be judgmental of me, but sometimes I want to ask people on the street what they were thinking when they made X fashion choice. I mean, usually it's obvious when people were running late that morning or plan to change their shoes later or something, but things like these are so calculated, so deliberated, so time-consuming (especially in the beard case) that they had to have consciously chosen this look.


My first EFT experience.

Don't know what EFT is? Never fear. Click here for a video.

Sounds kind of hippy-dippy, I know. But I'll try anything once, and after tonight's first rounds, I think I'll keep at it.

I decided to tap on my acne since that is the first thing I feel I need to get rid of before I can move on to the next stage of my life, whatever that is. So I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, tapping and tapping: "Even though I hate my pores for being enormous and clogging all the time, and even though I hate myself for using so many harsh techniques and picking at it and not being able to fix it, I completely and deeply love and forgive and accept myself." Etc. I did three rounds. During the process, I felt a lot of emotion build up and come out, and I was saying things that I didn't realize had anything to do with my acne, such as, "Even though I'm afraid of having good skin because I'm terrified of being living up to a standard of perfection even though I claim to want it, I deeply and completely and totally love and accept myself." Wow.
Anyway, afterward, I drank a lot of water, and then I felt like I had just finished a good cry but without all the stuffy/runny nose stuff and swollen eyes and headache. So there was definitely an emotional release. I'm not sure what, if any, physical effect it will have, but I plan to do it again tomorrow, and I'm also willing to try it on other things in my life.

If you haven't tried it, do. Read up on the tips and tricks, and give it a whirl. Worse comes to worst, you spend five minutes tops feeling like a weirdo. I'll keep you updated on anything that happens because of EFT, in case you need more motivation.
Click here to visit the blog that really turned me on to this EFT business, and read this amazing gal's story. She has great tips on everything else you can imagine as well.


Weekend wrap-up

Click here for a blog that's totally AWESOME!!!

Friday we watched The Incredible Hulk and went to Siam Bay.

Saturday was Tai Sai. It was fun! Lots of food, a kyu test, and afterward a fun frisbee romp with F and CH. Today was my kyu test (6th kyu). I screwed up on blending with the strikes and a few other details, but I passed by the grace of God and my sunny disposition. So now I'm a sixth kyu, but it doesn't feel any different.

This morning I had a migraine, so I had to stay home from work today. I spent most of the day in a dark bedroom.

I'm working on a vision binder to help feel my wants into my life (concepts in Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting). Right now I am trying to define my desires in life and find photos that correlate with or represent them. The idea is to feel good about your want in itself, not to be glad about getting away from something you have now. Otherwise, because you're focusing on the negative, you would manifest more of the same or even worse. Hey, it's worth a shot.
Here are some of the images I've chosen to represent things I want:

Jillian Michaels, The Biggest Loser's trainer, represents not only the kind of body I want to have but also my personal training aspirations.

Money because I want to have enough for us to be comfortable and do the things we like.

Vegetables in a heart shape because I like vegetables and I also want to be healthy!

Jessica Stam
because I want her skin.

Last but not least, here is something I want and already have: C + me = LOVE!

This weekend we are having dedicated C&me time. I've been doing social stuff and dojo stuff the past few weekends, so we might go to Santa Cruz or just hang out around here.


Grab life by the horns.

I saw a brown-and-white pigeon today. Never seen one before.

I didn't have my camera, but this is about what it looked like. I was wondering this morning why pigeons walk so much. I understand about perhaps not wanting to miss a speck of food, but if I were a pigeon, I would be much more efficient by flying low over the sidewalk from place to place.

I make a lot of lists. Always for stuff to do or get at a later time or date. Why bother? Why not just do the stuff that pops into my mind right when it shows up? Oh, that's right; because I have to hold down this job.

I started reading Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting by Lynn Grabhorn.

What a name. She grabs stuff - challenges, opportunities, life (like Dodge) - by the horns, apparently. My colon hydrotherapist ordered it for me because she thought I needed to have it. The book is about the Law of Attraction. This idea may seem a little offensive at first. But I think it's a great thing to believe in if it helps you get what you want. This may be the key for me to have work I love, clear skin, and enough money to do whatever I want. I'm only in the first chapter, so we'll see how it unfolds.

I don't remember the last time I felt this bad about my job. It's not that something in particular happened today; I just was reminded again that I'm pretty much stuck here until at least the fall. We have to have a backup income plus a way to cut costs significantly. I've considered dumpster diving, freecycling ... anyone have any other ways (besides the obvious thrift-store stint) to get stuff for less money? I figure we'll always and forever have to pay rent and utilities. If everything else were free somehow, it would free up a lot of time to do things we like. But at the same time, I don't want to give up the things we can do now, such as go out to eat, go on vacations, etc. I'd get into investing if I didn't still owe on my student loans. The thing is, I feel pretty good and hopeful about my future but not nearly as good about my present! I guess I'm just in a mood to feel sorry for myself today.
I need to read more of that book!


Adtech spoils.

CSI: Miami was not on Monday. GRR. So I went to bed earlier and woke up refreshed - again! Oh happy day.

It was another hot one, judging by the amount of people in khaki shorts and lewd old men leering at me. It's not that I have trouble accepting compliments; it's that I don't appreciate compliments with obscenities, vulgarities, or general creepiness combined with a certain look in the eyes and a special tone of voice reserved only for the bedroom. UGH.
I did get some nice compliments in addition to weirdness today, though. For this I am grateful. I must be looking as good as I feel!

Look what SW showed me. How adorable is that?! I want one. This would be much more feasible than a WALL-E.

So I'm not comfortable going completely freelance/part-time on copy editing until I have a fairly solid personal training gig and until C has begun working. Maybe I'll fast-forward my timetable to take the exams this summer. C and I can study together, except his test is the CPA.

I got a mani-pedi. It was really nice to go into air-conditioning for an hour. I love having this extra income from my freelance gig; I can pay for stuff in cash and not affect my bank account. Not that I'm spending money out the wazoo or anything.

My boss went to AdTech. Upon returning, he said, "I was going to grab some chocolate, but some guy said these were much better," and thwapped a small package on my desk. He proceeded to do the same on everyone else's desk. Do you know what was in the package?

A blue one, no less.
What?! WHAT?!?!
I have to get out of here.


Feeling hot, hot, hot.

It got all the way to 1:30 today before I started sweating. Ninety degrees in the city. I wish we had that swimming pool right now!

Today's meeting was held outside. With ice cream. Provided by the boss. Like I need that temptation. I am having such job burnout. This is not where I want to be in life. Can I get paid just for being me and doing leisure activities? How can I monetize myself? Like no one else has ever wanted that before... My only idea on that front (i.e., making money from just being S) is modeling, but a) I'm far too old, and b) my skin is nowhere near good enough. Any other ideas?

Across the street from us, there was an Aptera. I don't know why it was there, but it seemed pretty cool:

Not that safe, though. Better hope you don't get rear-ended!

Last night I had such wonderful sleep! It was glorious. I actually woke up refreshed. I don't remember the last time that happened.
This evening, I gave myself a really hard workout. I was already sweaty when I got there, and it just got nasty. But now it's cooling off, so I'm comfortable for now.

I don't really have anything else to report right now. Our shows are on tonight. My challenge: to stay away from the popcorn and red wine.


Beach bumming.

We finally watched Milk. I was afraid it was overhyped, but I was wrong. One of the best movies I have seen. James Franco is such a cutie.

We've been watching so much 24 that it's showing up in my dreams. Crazy!

Jack Bauer follows orders, not his conscience, but he's still a rock star in my book.

This weekend was another dojo cleanup day. I did a lot of dusting. I found a Nerf football and then hid it again for some lucky person to find because it couldn't fit in my backpack. Next week is Tai Sai, for which all this cleanup happened.

I got a new bike seatpost, and I cannot express how much of a difference it makes! I love the people at Tip Top Bike Shop; Richard not only found my seatpost but also installed it and ensured it was proper height before letting me take off. It really increased my desire to ride places and made it much more comfortable.

Saturday night, we went to Coach Sushi, which is so delicious. I always order the seaweed salad and avocado sashimi, which has avocado and sesame seeds wrapped in some sort of radish. MMM. Plus the bottomless sake, which is served in cedar boxes that you can decorate and keep there for next time.

The weather was so beautiful this weekend! What did I do to deserve such gorgeous days? We walked to Lake Merritt and fed tortillas to the ducks.
Some ducks were really tired:

Other ducks had weird stuff going on with their bones or something:

Today we went to the beach in Alameda. C read our new book on Kauai.

I laid on the sand, ate kumquats, and read the book M lent me:

It was beautiful! Perfect weather, no crowds, and I even have some tan lines now! It was such a clear day:

C edited this picture to look cool:

People like to fly kites here because it's so breezy:

There are often windsurfers, too, but not when we were there. We went early.

I saw these flowers:

I had only ever seen purple ones before, not yellow ones. It got really hot today, but I kind of like it when it is. It won't be so nice at work tomorrow, though!

I was bangin' on my to-do list today. I cleaned the bathroom, organized mail, did white laundry (the bleach pen did nothing for the black stains on my white coat, sadly), and even squeezed in a nap and a gym session! Good times.


Apartment pictures.

As promised:

The view from the balcony... You could see the city if this enormous tree weren't there.

I forget what this type of window is called, but it is cool.
We are apparently allowed to have a small gas (or electric; do they even make such a thing?) grill on the balcony. I need to find out how much sunlight the area's going to get so I can decide what to grow out there. My options: basil, burdock, tomatoes, green onions, parsley, mint... I'll probably think of some more later. I hope I don't run out of room.

Everything is electric!

Closet space galore!

A door between the shower/toilet and the sink? Get out of town!

Pool (not heated)! Hot tub! Exercise machines! Sauna! Detox party at my house!

Bar! We could put stools here, but there may be some crowding with the dining set. I hope not.

I went to aikido twice in one day (Wednesday). It was my first time going to a weekday morning class, and it was awesome. I learned that my night vision is very poor and that Bakesale Betty makes cinnamon rolls at approximately 6:30 a.m. I also discovered that my flexibility decreases by about 50 percent between 6:30 p.m. and 6 a.m. But since I also went that same night, today I am feeling a little... abused? I wouldn't describe it as soreness or pulled muscles; it's more like my bones are tired. Know what I mean? I also have enormous bruises on my wrist from attempting a few measly taino henkos with K Sensei. On the plus side, I think I learned how to do it. Finally. Well, maybe.
I like it when sensei gives some kind of motivational speech about putting more energy into our techniques. Suddenly, the freshly painted walls echo with hilarious kiais. I like listening to LE's and DA's kiais most of all.

I am so over this Ani Phyo sunflower seed pate I made. I need to start making smaller quantities of stuff so I don't throw away leftovers because nowadays there's no feeling more shameful to me than that of tossing food into the trash can when so many people don't have food.
Speaking of food, I've opted to make a carrot cake for the Tai Sai potluck. I love potlucks. There's nothing better than pouring your soul into a lovely dish and sharing the fruits of your labor with your friends. I also feel good about myself when people like what I have made.

We got a book on Kauai. There are so many activities for us to do and waterfalls everywhere:

So I started to ease into running. Don't laugh. I know that every other time I have attempted such a thing, I have failed. I even quit all the sports I played in middle and high school because I hated to run. But I actually found a little program that's set up to help you do it without overworking or injuring yourself immediately as I am wont to do. It's supposed to be so good for you in many ways (if you don't already have joint problems or something) that plain old ellipticaling or biking or stair-stepping just can't parallel. Plus you can do it anywhere. So I would like to be able to do it even if I choose not to much of the time.

I went back on Lexapro, and my head feels connected to my body again. My mood, focus, and sleep are still kind of blah, but I have confidence that this will be fixed soon.

Tonight I went to M and V's house, where I watched her paint for one of her art classes. I am truly in awe of visual artists. My mother is one also. For a while, my parents thought I was one because I was drawing like a sixth-grader in third grade. However, everyone else caught up and then surpassed me. I still draw like a sixth-grader. M is very good, though. I hope someday she sells her paintings or gives me one out of the goodness of her heart. She gave me a new dress today, but I left it at her place on accident. She also let me borrow a Cousens book.



I'm finally getting to see it tomorrow, so pictures will come then.

Would you like to read the Kiai? Then click here! It's the Aikido Institute's newsletter. I've got a piece in there. But there are plenty of better, longer, and more informative pieces in there as well. And pictures!

The past few days, I feel really detached from my body. Like my head (the whole thing) is miles and miles away from the rest of me. I know I'm tall, but this is ridiculous. I wonder what is going on.

My new bikini is so cute! I love it. C is clearly overwhelmed by its high-fashion status...

C: Is it supposed to look like that?
S: Is it supposed to look like what?
C: The top is a different color than the bottom.
S: Yes, I bought it like that. It's a fairly common practice. Case in point: my other swimsuit has a pink bottom and a plaid top.
C: But those are the same color.
S: Sigh.

...but he can deal with it. I'm looking forward to getting back in shape (I've put together a comprehensive three-pronged approach for reconstructing my six-pack by Hawaii) and a bit of a tan.

...which will be much easier once I can lie out in the sun by the pool all day on Sundays and every afternoon/evening on the balcony that faces the setting sun in our new apartment. Ahh... We won't be moving until mid-May, though.

I think I'm going to volunteer with the Berkeley Humane Society now that the SPCA in Oakland showed that they obviously didn't care whether I volunteered. It's a BART + bike situation, but it will be good for me to work with dogs so that I don't insist on getting a puppy too soon when we couldn't possibly care for it properly. The volunteer orientation is 6/10, so I wrote to register this morning. I hope they respond in a timely manner (i.e., before the orientation) unlike SPCA.

Last night was a TV night for the ages! C and I watch our shows (24 and CSI: Miami, respectively) one after the other on Monday nights, and I have got to say that both shows pulled a few fast ones on me! Tony Almeda is a bad guy? Larry Moss is dead?? Ron Saris came back to life??? Eric and Calleigh didn't have an awkwardly romantic scene???!!! I was so riled up afterward that I couldn't get to sleep until 12:30 or so. And of course I woke up at 6 after having scores of bizarre dreams about your gray hairs and sucker punches. Thanks.

Last night I also decided to abandon the old me. For good. The old me didn't take care of herself. The old me was afraid and timid. The old me was in some state of unhappiness all the time because she didn't want to take responsibility for attracting and inviting both the good and bad things that happened in life. The old me was not conscious of reality and wasted her talents. The old me also had carb binges almost every night.
I have been swinging like a pendulum between old me and new me for some years but always returned to old me, probably because it was familiar and safe.
NO MORE. The old me might think that I would fail yet again, but not the new me. I'm ready now, finally, to let go of safety for safety's sake. I am concentrating on the good in life in order to attract more good things to my world. I am writing prolifically to keep myself on track. I am getting rid of those black boots with the holes in them that I've had since freshman year of college, but this is merely a practical concern.
I do have control over my feelings. If I am hurt by what someone says, I am hurting myself. If I am happy with the way my freelance project is going, I am making myself happy. This is hard to remember all the time, yet it is a powerful realization.
For example, I left the gym after work and had to pick up C's car. He told me the wrong spot for it, so I was wandering the area of Franklin and 19th for 15 minutes before I decided to walk home. I found the car on the way (21st and Franklin). Then I went to the Walgreens to pick up the prescription I ordered Friday. It was not ready. I had to deal with a lot of driving idiots and random road blockages and sun in my eyes. I was all ready to be pissed the rest of the night. BUT I decided not to be. I also reminded myself that the (probable) reason bad things seem to all happen at once is because once one happens, you're normally mad about it and brooding over it, so that attracts more bad things to happen. I can't believe I never thought about it like that before.

Aaaaaand this post is long enough.


Running away.

My bikini top came. I'm excited to put it all together. I have a feeling I'll have to come to terms with some unpleasant thoughts about my body when I put it on, though. It's easy to ignore certain parts when they're covered up most of the year. Sigh. I vacillate between supreme body confidence and utter body dysmorphia. I have less than two months to start believing that what I've got going on here is acceptable.

My dreams have been so strange. And they have been about you. Yes, you. If we have met, you have been in my dreams this past week. Even the homeless guy on 2nd and Folsom in SF was in there last night. He had a cane and was chasing me. I thought I could walk faster and outrun him because he had a cane, but I was wrong. He chased me all the way to the BART station, which had dozens and dozens of levels and offices and stuff. Turned out he had been sent by D and F to find me and bring me there. But I was still running. I did not want to be caught for whatever it was. I pulled a Jack Bauer and beat the crap out of the guards, but I also pulled a James Bond and practically charmed the pants off of some other people who were trying to get me. I ran down to the train and boarded the one for Chicago (BART doesn't really go there) that was waiting. A lot of other stuff happened, too, that I either don't remember or am not comfortable posting. I had fitful sleep last night, and this dream kept coming back and continuing every time I slept.
I don't know if I've been watching too much 24 or if my dreams are trying to tell me something. A lot of them lately have featured me being chased. What am I running away from? What aspect of myself am I trying to reject?

It's quite a bit earlier than planned, but we may have found our new apartment! C went to look at it today and said it was awesome. I don't doubt it. All we have to do is send our documents, application, and deposit in tomorrow, and the place should be secured. We do have to deliver a 30-day move-out notice at our current place, but both apartments have the same landlords, so it's not really a problem.
So if we can move in around 5/15, that would be wonderful! Plus it's a two-bedroom, making it a perfect place for C's mom to stay on his graduation and for my friend SW to stay the weekend afterward when she visits! And for anyone to stay over anytime! No more sleeping on our nasty couch! It also has a pool, hot tub, gym (albeit tiny), dishwasher, balcony (which C said was sweet), SAUNA (??!?!?!!!!), and plenty of space for having dinner parties! Yes, friends, you may finally get to see where I live because I can host things! Probably smaller things, but still. It's not very far from where we live now, just a few blocks closer to the lake, so my routine won't be much upset. The downers: no yard, carpeted floors, and no washer and dryer in the unit. But there is a laundry room on every floor, so there's no need to lug the laundry basket up and down stairs all the time. And those few downers I know I can deal with for a place this awesome otherwise.
I am really excited, but someone could theoretically swoop in on this place before we get our stuff in tomorrow, so I'm still trying not to get my hopes up. Gosh, things will be so much easier with more space. We'll need to get a desk to keep the second bedroom as a kind of office most of the time as well as a new couch, some patio furniture, and maybe even a grill, but perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. We still have to pack all our stuff, which is the least fun part of moving.


Look, Ma, no Velveeta!

My mother was not a prolific chef. She had to work all day while my dad stayed home because he worked nights. So he usually made dinner. However, my mother did have a few specialties, including lasagna, beef stroganoff, and a cheesy potato celery soup made with Velveeta. I had a longing for the taste of yesteryear's soup but not for the Velveeta. The result:

The second recipe I've ever made up. I used the cheezy sauce from Veganomicon and added it to a bunch of broth, boiled potatoes, and celery. It was really quite good and very similar to the soup we sometimes ate growing up.

Today is Easter. I talked to my family today, including my uncle from Australia. I wished I had been there instead of on a bus across from a seizure-having guy wearing one of those parole violation ankle bracelet tracker things. I worry a lot about Grandpa.

Friday night was a co-worker's wife's photography exhibit on 3rd Street in SF. It was cool. There was a series of photos featuring beards (?!), naked men, random landscapes of places in the U.S. (this was the one we came to see), and weird pictures that looked 3D, glowy, and totally trippy. There were also some snacks. We ate dinner at the Royal Exchange.

This weekend, I spent a lot of time at the dojo. Saturday and Sunday were the first two cleanup days in preparation for Tai Sai, the celebration of O-Sensei's life, on 4/25. Saturday I cleaned and polished bokkens and jos, and F and I spent a lot of time up on a ladder wiping lights, poles, pipes, and such. Wall washing came next in preparation for the painting, which occurred today! After cleanup on Saturday, we all went to Lanesplitters, which turned out to be pretty cool. I think a lot about this question: "If I were a (insert type of thing here - bird, constellation, mythological creature, etc.), what would I be?" So the conversation here revolved around other people's ideas on what they would be. I think these can be really insightful and fun.

So today was the painting. It took much longer than I thought it would. The dojo looks quite nice now. I have decided to only go to aikido on the days I don't have to be rushing there from work: Wednesday morning and evening as well as Saturday morning. Then I can go three times a week and go to the gym or just crash after work the rest of the week. Getting up for the morning class (6 a.m.) will suck hard, but it'll give me an early start to the day. Or I can just go back to bed for an hour or so before getting up to work.

C and I have been looking at apartments recently just to get an idea of what we'll find once we're ready to move. But today, we found one that looks really, really good. It does not meet every wish I had about a new place, but it has a balcony, a dishwasher, and two bedrooms, and it's in a fairly safe part of town and on the top floor, and it's well within the price range, and it has parking, and these, I think, are most important. I can live without hardwood floors and an in-unit washer/dryer. So C is going to contact them tomorrow. The landlords are the same people from whom we currently rent, so they might be a bit more trusting and cut us some slack for not yet making in income what they require to apply for the place. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but this place is pretty cool. It also has a swimming pool, gym, and hot tub. Yesss.

The weather was gorgeous today. I love the sun. It's a natural and free antidepressant.
I need to get back on track foodwise. I have been eating absolute crap, and I can definitely notice a change in the way I feel (worse). Need more salad!!! And fruit, for sure. I was going to make a faux tuna salad for my dinner tomorrow; I need to go to Whole Foods (ugh) though. They're the only place that has seaweed. And flax crackers. And the granola I like. And blah blah blah.

I don't like my bicycle. It's too small, and the tires make street riding much harder. I'm going to get a new seatpost for it ASAP as the current seatpost/electrical tape arrangement is just not working out. Then I will just wait until I feel like I really need a new bike. It's hard to justify buying a new one now.

I am very grateful to have friends who love me. It means more to me than anyone can ever know.


Mundane musings.

I've been oil pulling first thing in the morning for fifteen minutes with sunflower oil since Monday. So far, it has already put an end to the pain and sensitivity I was feeling in one of my molars for the past few weeks. Yay! Maybe I'll never have to go to the dentist again.
The dentist nowadays really isn't that bad. It really wasn't that bad when I was little, either. But when my parents changed dental insurance, we started seeing a guy who was friends with my dad, part of our church, a parent at our grade school, and a National Guard member. Common sense tells me your gums SHOULD bleed when they are being stabbed by sharp metal implements, but apparently it was because you weren't flossing enough. Ever. So even though my current dentist is very gentle, I still have bad associations with going to the dentist.

I have to take classes for CPR and AED before I can sit for any PT exam. I think I'll sign up for the ones in May with the Red Cross. I plan to get certified now by ACSM and NASM (who, as an interesting aside, is now following me on Twitter). ACE seems kind of like a joke. I hope to be taking at least one of the exams before the end of this year. Then I will try to switch to a part-time position either with my current company or somewhere else doing copy editing. It's exciting but scary to put such a plan as this in motion.

I broke ground on a freelancing gig for a really cool online RPG. It's really fun so far, and it's challenging, too. I can't go into details now, but when it releases, I'll tell the world.

My new swimsuit top is on the way! I decided on that white one. It was back-ordered for a while. I did finally go for the black Brazilian bottom, and that came a while ago. It is very cute. I still need to work on firming up just a bit more before Hawaii. Luckily I have almost two months.

I realized I kind of have a schnozz. I don't feel bad about it; if nothing else, it connects me to my dad's side of the family and potentially serves as a trademark. It will only grow larger; it's time to learn to love it now.

C's school is almost over. I can't wait. I bet he can't wait, either. We shall breathe a collective sigh of relief... and then realize it was in error because he still has to do the CPA exam, and then there's work, and on and on.

I was sad Tuesday and angry today, but it rained both those days, so it could be part of that. The weather really affects my mood. I need it to be sunny all the time!


Basketball-headed babies!?!??

I went to a dermatologist who wants to put me on Accutane (there is a 30-day waiting period to make sure you're really not pregnant because it can make your baby look like this or this). It is intense stuff. You have to sign all these waivers that come with a freaking novel about the side effects and methods of birth control for women of childbearing age. There are a few humorous moments in this book, including the contraception myth-versus-truth part, such as:

MYTH: You cannot get pregnant if you do it standing up.
TRUTH: You can get pregnant if you have sex in any position.
MYTH: "Sexually active" means you have to move around. If I don't move during sex, I won't get pregnant.
TRUTH: You can get pregnant during sex whether you move around or just lie still.

Anyway, it's obviously a last resort. I wish I had had access to a dermatologist when I was a teenager before I realized how bad everything is for you; I would have had no reservations about taking it then! Now I'm more than a little worried about taking it. The sad thing is that nothing else has worked. Nothing. I'm trying right now to use tea tree oil and lemon/witch hazel and not to touch my face. I have also pretty much cut out non-fruit sugar, wheat, and soy. Either next week or the week after, I plan to do a short fruitarian experiment for maybe a week or so (don't freak out; the body stores enough nutrients from a regular diet that a few days without the almighty protein source or a slice of bread won't kill me). That might help, too, since fruit is such a great detoxer. If there is a miraculous turnaround in the next 30 days, I don't want to go on it.

Speaking of meds, I'm trying to go off Lexapro. I'm down to a half a pill for the past two days, but today I felt inexplicably sad, in stark contrast to recent days when I have felt so, so good. I'm blaming it on the rain for now.

I tried the egg-in-smoothie thing for a few days. Not that good. I did feel a bit more energetic, but I can't say that wasn't because of my colonics or because of getting more sleep the past few nights. Today while I was drinking my smoothie as well as afterward, I felt really nauseated. Making it worse was the knowledge of what's sliding down my throat. ICK.

CSI: Miami was not on this week. I was way bummed.
I got my passport in the mail. Now I'm ready to flee the country at the first sign of inevitable infrastructural collapse.

I was having a hard time again at aikido yesterday. I wish I could wrap my brain around everything. It's so difficult to make your body do what your mind says. At least there are a few new people, so I'm not at the very bottom of the totem pole anymore.
This weekend and next are dojo cleanup dates. It will involve painting, spackling, mouse sanding, and even a little woodwork! All we need is some papier-mache, a miter saw, and some Luan, and it'll be just like high school stage crew! I knew those skills would pay off someday.


Slow weekend.

The fashion mullet, at least two years too late.

Tomorrow is my dermatologist appointment! I hope he is good.

This evening, I went to a potluck followed by a "guided discussion" on veganism. I wish we had had more time just to talk to each other instead. I never get to talk to M and V when they organize these things because they're so busy coordinating conversations with 20+ different people.

On Friday, we went to Udupi Palace, which is tasty and reasonably priced.
On Saturday, we walked around North Berkeley just to check out the neighborhood. Now we have expanded our future apartment decision to include this area. It's not studenty and hippie like downtown Berkeley. There are a lot of nice houses and houses divided into apartments. So this is a nice and seemingly even affordable option.

I had planned to go to the volunteer orientation at the SPCA today. I e-mailed and called multiple times this week to find out where it was because they have several locations. They didn't get back to me in time, really. So I decided not to volunteer with them since it is obvious they don't care as much about the animals or their volunteers as I would. So now I need to find somewhere else. There are other animal shelters around; I could also try to find something with the elderly since I think they are my second volunteering priority.

I still have a ridiculous amount of energy. I could have worked out forever at the gym today.

I have nothing else interesting to report. All the interesting stuff has already been blogged.



I cannot recommend them highly enough. I feel so light. And healthy! And happy! And clear! And although I am (still) not going to bed early enough, I definitely have more energy. I think I felt like thoughts were just rattling around in my brain nonstop with no rhyme or reason; now everything seems calm and comparatively rational. It is uncomfortable during the procedure, that's for sure. But the benefits outweigh the discomfort. It's amazing to see what comes out of you even when you haven't been eating!

Speaking of poop, there has been quite a sharp increase in the amount of it I've seen lying on the sidewalk this week. Just hangin' out, sayin' hey. But surely it can't all be blamed on the dogs; I doubt there are that many Bull Mastiffs or St. Bernards in the city.

My rash seems to have gone away, but now I have a toothache. Geez, it's like nothing can ever be perfect! ;) I need to go to the dentist soon, anyway. I might try oil pulling, too, as I've been considering doing that for a while. I've heard it's very simple, very effective.

I got a haircut. I made the mistake of telling Gregory at Spa | Bar that he could "get creative." Now I finally am rocking the fashion mullet I always wanted in college and never had. Pictures come later when (if?) I learn how to style it.

After thinking about many different career opportunities, I think the (at least short-term) one that would give me variety, let me be my own boss, and still make use of my education would be a combination of two part-time jobs: copy-editing (freelance) and personal training. I would get certified by the American College of Sports Medicine and the American Council on Exercise, both of which offer at-home study (exam taken on location, though) and would amount to about $500. I hope to have at least started studying by the end of this year. I also think my knowledge of and interest in nutrition would add to my skills. Plus I could still do copy-editing on the side and exercise my formidable grammar muscle.

Another thing I thought of that really strikes a chord with me right now but would be much longer-term is becoming a naturopath. This would definitely fulfill my parents' dreams of me becoming a doctor without as much messy stuff like surgery and needles. It's a four-year program, though, and very few universities offer accredited naturopath degrees. The closest ones are in Portland, Oregon, and Tempe, Arizona. I'm trying to think of the pros and cons.
Cons include that I never excelled in science, but it was only the math part, I think, that made me lose interest. I always liked the curiosity aspect. Case in point: When I was little, I used to play with those Koosh balls and pretend I had found the cure for AIDS hidden inside. I played games like that all the time. Other cons are that it's intensive work that takes at least four years and I would most certainly be in debt afterward. Plus it's not close by, and I don't think C wants to move or spend money.
Pros are that it's an expanding market, it's a continuously evolving field, it's interesting, and it would really help me feel that I was making a difference. I would also get to work with people on subjects that really, truly interest me: healing, nutrition, natural/organic crap, etc. I think I definitely should go see one just to see what kind of stuff naturopaths really do before I decide.

I wonder if juicing and getting colonics are lending me increased clarity or decreased sanity right now. What do you think?