I went to a dermatologist who wants to put me on Accutane (there is a 30-day waiting period to make sure you're really not pregnant because it can make your baby look like this or this). It is intense stuff. You have to sign all these waivers that come with a freaking novel about the side effects and methods of birth control for women of childbearing age. There are a few humorous moments in this book, including the contraception myth-versus-truth part, such as:
MYTH: You cannot get pregnant if you do it standing up.
TRUTH: You can get pregnant if you have sex in any position.
MYTH: "Sexually active" means you have to move around. If I don't move during sex, I won't get pregnant.
TRUTH: You can get pregnant during sex whether you move around or just lie still.
Anyway, it's obviously a last resort. I wish I had had access to a dermatologist when I was a teenager before I realized how bad everything is for you; I would have had no reservations about taking it then! Now I'm more than a little worried about taking it. The sad thing is that nothing else has worked. Nothing. I'm trying right now to use tea tree oil and lemon/witch hazel and not to touch my face. I have also pretty much cut out non-fruit sugar, wheat, and soy. Either next week or the week after, I plan to do a short fruitarian experiment for maybe a week or so (don't freak out; the body stores enough nutrients from a regular diet that a few days without the almighty protein source or a slice of bread won't kill me). That might help, too, since fruit is such a great detoxer. If there is a miraculous turnaround in the next 30 days, I don't want to go on it.
Speaking of meds, I'm trying to go off Lexapro. I'm down to a half a pill for the past two days, but today I felt inexplicably sad, in stark contrast to recent days when I have felt so, so good. I'm blaming it on the rain for now.
I tried the egg-in-smoothie thing for a few days. Not that good. I did feel a bit more energetic, but I can't say that wasn't because of my colonics or because of getting more sleep the past few nights. Today while I was drinking my smoothie as well as afterward, I felt really nauseated. Making it worse was the knowledge of what's sliding down my throat. ICK.
CSI: Miami was not on this week. I was way bummed.
I got my passport in the mail. Now I'm ready to flee the country at the first sign of inevitable infrastructural collapse.
I was having a hard time again at aikido yesterday. I wish I could wrap my brain around everything. It's so difficult to make your body do what your mind says. At least there are a few new people, so I'm not at the very bottom of the totem pole anymore.
This weekend and next are dojo cleanup dates. It will involve painting, spackling, mouse sanding, and even a little woodwork! All we need is some papier-mache, a miter saw, and some Luan, and it'll be just like high school stage crew! I knew those skills would pay off someday.