4.13.2009

Running away.

My bikini top came. I'm excited to put it all together. I have a feeling I'll have to come to terms with some unpleasant thoughts about my body when I put it on, though. It's easy to ignore certain parts when they're covered up most of the year. Sigh. I vacillate between supreme body confidence and utter body dysmorphia. I have less than two months to start believing that what I've got going on here is acceptable.

My dreams have been so strange. And they have been about you. Yes, you. If we have met, you have been in my dreams this past week. Even the homeless guy on 2nd and Folsom in SF was in there last night. He had a cane and was chasing me. I thought I could walk faster and outrun him because he had a cane, but I was wrong. He chased me all the way to the BART station, which had dozens and dozens of levels and offices and stuff. Turned out he had been sent by D and F to find me and bring me there. But I was still running. I did not want to be caught for whatever it was. I pulled a Jack Bauer and beat the crap out of the guards, but I also pulled a James Bond and practically charmed the pants off of some other people who were trying to get me. I ran down to the train and boarded the one for Chicago (BART doesn't really go there) that was waiting. A lot of other stuff happened, too, that I either don't remember or am not comfortable posting. I had fitful sleep last night, and this dream kept coming back and continuing every time I slept.
I don't know if I've been watching too much 24 or if my dreams are trying to tell me something. A lot of them lately have featured me being chased. What am I running away from? What aspect of myself am I trying to reject?

It's quite a bit earlier than planned, but we may have found our new apartment! C went to look at it today and said it was awesome. I don't doubt it. All we have to do is send our documents, application, and deposit in tomorrow, and the place should be secured. We do have to deliver a 30-day move-out notice at our current place, but both apartments have the same landlords, so it's not really a problem.
So if we can move in around 5/15, that would be wonderful! Plus it's a two-bedroom, making it a perfect place for C's mom to stay on his graduation and for my friend SW to stay the weekend afterward when she visits! And for anyone to stay over anytime! No more sleeping on our nasty couch! It also has a pool, hot tub, gym (albeit tiny), dishwasher, balcony (which C said was sweet), SAUNA (??!?!?!!!!), and plenty of space for having dinner parties! Yes, friends, you may finally get to see where I live because I can host things! Probably smaller things, but still. It's not very far from where we live now, just a few blocks closer to the lake, so my routine won't be much upset. The downers: no yard, carpeted floors, and no washer and dryer in the unit. But there is a laundry room on every floor, so there's no need to lug the laundry basket up and down stairs all the time. And those few downers I know I can deal with for a place this awesome otherwise.
I am really excited, but someone could theoretically swoop in on this place before we get our stuff in tomorrow, so I'm still trying not to get my hopes up. Gosh, things will be so much easier with more space. We'll need to get a desk to keep the second bedroom as a kind of office most of the time as well as a new couch, some patio furniture, and maybe even a grill, but perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. We still have to pack all our stuff, which is the least fun part of moving.

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