I'm finally getting to see it tomorrow, so pictures will come then.

Would you like to read the Kiai? Then click here! It's the Aikido Institute's newsletter. I've got a piece in there. But there are plenty of better, longer, and more informative pieces in there as well. And pictures!

The past few days, I feel really detached from my body. Like my head (the whole thing) is miles and miles away from the rest of me. I know I'm tall, but this is ridiculous. I wonder what is going on.

My new bikini is so cute! I love it. C is clearly overwhelmed by its high-fashion status...

C: Is it supposed to look like that?
S: Is it supposed to look like what?
C: The top is a different color than the bottom.
S: Yes, I bought it like that. It's a fairly common practice. Case in point: my other swimsuit has a pink bottom and a plaid top.
C: But those are the same color.
S: Sigh.

...but he can deal with it. I'm looking forward to getting back in shape (I've put together a comprehensive three-pronged approach for reconstructing my six-pack by Hawaii) and a bit of a tan.

...which will be much easier once I can lie out in the sun by the pool all day on Sundays and every afternoon/evening on the balcony that faces the setting sun in our new apartment. Ahh... We won't be moving until mid-May, though.

I think I'm going to volunteer with the Berkeley Humane Society now that the SPCA in Oakland showed that they obviously didn't care whether I volunteered. It's a BART + bike situation, but it will be good for me to work with dogs so that I don't insist on getting a puppy too soon when we couldn't possibly care for it properly. The volunteer orientation is 6/10, so I wrote to register this morning. I hope they respond in a timely manner (i.e., before the orientation) unlike SPCA.

Last night was a TV night for the ages! C and I watch our shows (24 and CSI: Miami, respectively) one after the other on Monday nights, and I have got to say that both shows pulled a few fast ones on me! Tony Almeda is a bad guy? Larry Moss is dead?? Ron Saris came back to life??? Eric and Calleigh didn't have an awkwardly romantic scene???!!! I was so riled up afterward that I couldn't get to sleep until 12:30 or so. And of course I woke up at 6 after having scores of bizarre dreams about your gray hairs and sucker punches. Thanks.

Last night I also decided to abandon the old me. For good. The old me didn't take care of herself. The old me was afraid and timid. The old me was in some state of unhappiness all the time because she didn't want to take responsibility for attracting and inviting both the good and bad things that happened in life. The old me was not conscious of reality and wasted her talents. The old me also had carb binges almost every night.
I have been swinging like a pendulum between old me and new me for some years but always returned to old me, probably because it was familiar and safe.
NO MORE. The old me might think that I would fail yet again, but not the new me. I'm ready now, finally, to let go of safety for safety's sake. I am concentrating on the good in life in order to attract more good things to my world. I am writing prolifically to keep myself on track. I am getting rid of those black boots with the holes in them that I've had since freshman year of college, but this is merely a practical concern.
I do have control over my feelings. If I am hurt by what someone says, I am hurting myself. If I am happy with the way my freelance project is going, I am making myself happy. This is hard to remember all the time, yet it is a powerful realization.
For example, I left the gym after work and had to pick up C's car. He told me the wrong spot for it, so I was wandering the area of Franklin and 19th for 15 minutes before I decided to walk home. I found the car on the way (21st and Franklin). Then I went to the Walgreens to pick up the prescription I ordered Friday. It was not ready. I had to deal with a lot of driving idiots and random road blockages and sun in my eyes. I was all ready to be pissed the rest of the night. BUT I decided not to be. I also reminded myself that the (probable) reason bad things seem to all happen at once is because once one happens, you're normally mad about it and brooding over it, so that attracts more bad things to happen. I can't believe I never thought about it like that before.

Aaaaaand this post is long enough.

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