5.22.2009

Graduation

Today is C's graduation! Finally! I wonder how long it will last and what we'll do afterward. I haven't been to a graduation since my own in high school.

The bad news is his firm is facing budget cuts, which pushes his start date back to mid-October. Bummer. I guess that means he'll just have more time to study for the CPA exam.

C's mom is in town. Fun! I think we're going to Santa Cruz this weekend. More tan? Yes, please!

I'm going to cut my hair after Hawaii, I think. I'm going to do it myself. As much as I love getting my hair done at the salon, I don't think I can justify spending close to $100 every two months. I'm going to buy a razor cutter and a pair of thinning shears, and then I should be all set to make it at least presentable.

We're all moved, but there are still a few finishing touches to put on the place before I show you pictures.

I have been having a lot of stomach problems lately. No matter what I eat, I'm always bloated and gassy. UGH. You're welcome for sharing. I need to do a little detective work. Maybe it has to do with stress.

I had a great interview with VN the other day, probably the best interview I've ever had, but I am trying not to get my hopes too high. Yes, it's basically my dream job, and at first I was really happy that they were so complimentary of me at the end of the interview, but now I'm wondering if they were just letting me down easy. But why would they have any reason to bother? My sleep last night was scarce because I was thinking about this. :( I'm supposed to hear something about the AAU job today, but I don't know what or when.

5.16.2009

update more

WE FINISHED MOVING! We even got rid of the couch. I didn't know I was so strong! Now we're just trying to unpack the random odds and ends and get them put away. I've got a serious trigger finger for that dishwasher.

I canceled our AT&T home service because now it looks like we can pretty easily get Internet in other ways.

Peaches and blueberries have made their farmer's market debut this year! MMM.

I went to a potluck/brunch on Saturday. I made Cafe Gratitude's pecan porridge, and it was the bomb! I had to open three coconuts for it, though, so that got a little messy. I added more strawberries than it probably needed, so it was very pink yet very tasty.

The weekend was hot! We took advantage of our new swimming pool. YEAH! The water is extremely cold, but it was nice in such warm weather. We went to Fort Mason with C's cousin ST and sat by the beach for a while as well. I have tan lines, and I think my hair got a bit blonder. Booyah.

Haven't taken any pictures. I feel like I can't continue with my life as normal whenever I'm in any kind of upheaval, e.g., moving. Now that we're mostly done, I feel like I can get back to everything - gym, aikido, healthy eating, etc.

5.13.2009

Quick update

Moving, moving, moving. We're at the point where random stuff is lying about and just needs to be tossed into a box and brought over.

I had that interview - and a second one already. I'm not sure of what the outcome will be.

I am totally bloated and feeling disgusting because I've been using the stress of moving as an excuse to eat like crap. No more! Moving is almost done anyway.

The weather is nice. Tonight we are sleeping at the new place because the bed is there now. We need to get all the food over still today.

Nothing else to report!

5.12.2009

On happiness.

I am so happy. SO happy right now with my life. Even though not everything is perfect, even though life is expensive, even though bad things happen to good people, I am happy. Which says a lot after so many years of being unhappy.

But sometimes I think I almost miss being unhappy, writing dreadful stories and gut-wrenching poetry about my feelings. Being unhappy drove me. Sadness and anger were excellent motivators. Now I'm content to let things just... be. It's weird. It's almost like I've lost my identity. Without sadness, I have no personality (or so I occasionally think). Who am I without a scornful lover, a self-righteous panel of hipster judges, a fascist authority figure? What will I talk about, think about, cry about without them? I don't cry much anymore, yet that's a good thing for me.

I am not angry with anyone or anything. I am not sad about life. I don't blame anyone for anything, not even myself. Well, sometimes I blame stuff on the cat. But only if she really did it.

I am smiling. I am pleasant to be around. I am even - dare I say it? - fun. I am in love. I am living in the world's most perfect place for me. I am rich. I am productive. I am stable. I am happy.

Is this what it feels like to be normal?

5.08.2009

Weekend update.

No pictures this post. I haven't really felt like snapping photos, just packing and unpacking and lifting and opening doors and loading. We got our keys!!!

Hello, new home. You are clean and lovely. No more shall coffee stains stand out on the countertops! No more shall possessions overrun the living room floor unchecked! Beautiful. We committed to a couch on Craigslist (which is in really great shape), and we've spent much of the weekend moving stuff. Clothes, shoes, small furniture, etc. We broke a chair and the nightstand, but I think we can fix them enough so that they're usable.

C was packing my shoes, and he asked me to guess how many shoes I had. I said maybe 30, tops. Nope - I have 50 shoes. Possibly more. That means at least 25 pairs. I feel guilty.

I made it to the gym Friday morning. Go me! I slept super-well Thursday night. I used a new pair of earplugs. I've got to get some more. I think 3M makes them.
I got a sunburn at lunch.

I have an interview Tuesday! More on that another time.

Tomorrow I'm having a Mother's Day Brunch with M. It's at Millennium, which is supposed to be the fanciest vegetarian restaurant ever. I've never been. I will report back.

We're watching The Wrestler. So far I have issue with how much silence there is and how they spend most of the movie shooting behind the main character.

5.07.2009

Sleepless in SF.

My sleep has been crappy again. I think it was my work anxiety. Back to the full dosage of Alteril!
We're getting ready to move, so dear C has been packing boxes while I'm at work. We get keys tomorrow. Whoohoo!

Things finally got smoothed over at work! What a weird week. I'm still applying for every new job I see, but the panic and desperation have died down.

I've been eating like crap because I've been stressed out, and I think that also may have had something to do with the sleeping problem. ALSO my earplugs are wearing out. Who knew they'd lose their ability to stick in your ears? It's like when you pinch up the tips to put them in, they no longer stay. They've lost their springiness or whatever. Can anyone point me in the direction of good earplugs that will stay good for a while?

I don't think I'm going to go to my therapist anymore. It's just gotten annoying how he doesn't remember much about me and asks me the same questions over and over. Plus I don't think going is making me feel better anymore now that I have EFT, and it's not like we're getting into issues anyway. All we do is talk about what I did that week, what I'm going to do the next week, etc.

5.04.2009

Blah blah blah.

C went to Van Morrison on Saturday at Berkeley's Greek Theater. It was a last-minute decision, and he got a great deal on his ticket. I stayed at home and read. Here are some pictures he took:



It's been rainy and gray. We went to Salvation Army and Sphere Designs to look for sectional sofas. We were not successful. I personally can't justify spending $1,000 on a couch, so I hope something appears at SA or Freecycle.

Speaking of Freecycle, what a great invention! I am having so much fun with it. I freecycled two macrobiotic books, which I alternately read and skimmed. I don't think the whole thing is for me, but there are good principles in there. I think macrobiotics emphasizes too much soy and grains for me (although I do like both), but I think sea vegetables, pickles, and the abundance of other vegetables is great. But, like, no avocados? No asparagus? No spinach? Almost no drinking water? No can do, people. They say you can be as strict or as loose as you want, but if you're not at least a little strict, what's the point? I think they have some nice complete meal ideas every once in a while, though, if you're looking to impress somebody and be healthy at the same time.

I started going to the gym in the mornings again. I've been applying for jobs like crazy. Nothing else to report.

5.01.2009

Dear Universe, I'm ready for something new.


This was me today. As much as I hate to use cliches, something happened today to be the straw that broke the camel's back. I was so, so angry and insulted.

I EFTed on hating my job in the bathroom, but I only had time for one round. Now I've cooled down a bit, but I still want to quit. I want to turn in my two weeks' notice on Monday. Never mind that I have nothing else lined up. What good is it to make money but hate 40+ waking hours per week of your life? I'll wait tables. I'll take out a loan. I'll go into credit card debt. I will get out of this job, and soon. I mean it. I'm miserable.

OK, so quitting Monday is not a good idea. But it's time for me to get a little more serious about looking, about studying for the personal training exams, about actually quitting. All the wishing and positive thoughts in the world won't help anything magically land into my lap. I have to get out there and DO something. I've decided that I'll take any job, even if it has nothing to do with my degree, in order to get out of this one.

The project I'm working on might bring in some money someday, but as it's still in its infancy, the chances of it being able to pay my bills should I quit this job right now are pretty much zero. And the freelance project I'm doing pays well, but it's not a forever thing, and I'll run out of work on that really quickly if it were to become my main focus. What I need here is another source of income. A real one.