4.08.2010

Important Scientific Research or the Most Contrived Pick-Up Scheme Ever?


So ED and I are strolling down Hollywood Boulevard at around 9 p.m. on Saturday. We're enjoying the sights and sounds of the Walk of Fame and being approached by multiple Scientology peddlers ("Anxiety, stress, uncertainty weighing you down?" OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW???). We're stopped by a nondescript guy of average height, weight, and coloring with an unplaceable foreign accent.

"What's your idea of the perfect date?"

ED, being the quick, clever thinker she is, says, "With my husband," thinking that will throw him off the scent.

It doesn't. He has a clipboard and proceeds to ask a barrage of questions to both of us. He wants to know what our perfect dates are, the best and worst ways to get our attention, and which three of a long list of qualities we find most and least important in a potential mate. I intentionally give b*tchy answers, including, "My perfect date is one where a man hands me a million dollars." "Really?" "Of course not really, Dense-a-Tron 3000!" We try to discern whether he's qualified to be doing this kind of psychological research, but he's evasive; he says he's doing research for a website called Affinity Match and "out of personal curiosity." However, he's not overtly hitting on us, so we're confused. After getting through a list of questions that seems too long to expect a person on the street to answer, he informs us that by answering, we have entered a drawing to win a prize, but he needs our email addresses to let us know if we've won. We acquiesce.

Later that night, I receive the following email:

-

Dear Sarah,

Thank your for doing the survey with me on the street today.

I will let you know later about the prize, but you do get a small souvenir for helping out. How can I send it to you?

Also, this is a bit embarrassing, but I have to practice better handwriting: I see that you said your ideal date was a dinner, or making dinner. What was the second part?

So is smart your last name or your opinion of yourself or both?

best,

Daniel

Daniel GXXXXXX
Pose Method of Running Level II Coach
Certified Court Interpreter
telephone: XXX-XXX-XXXX

-

Um, WTH? Sure, I'll send you my address, weirdo. Then you can assault me with more than personal love life questions. P.S. What is the Pose method of running?

2 comments:

  1. Yeah, WTF was up with that guy? I love how he only emailed YOU.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah, because you convinced him you were married!
    s

    ReplyDelete

Oh, you'd like to say something? Well, thanks to the relative anonymity of the Intertron, you can!