Sorry I have been MIA. I've had crazy week upon crazy week and am hustlin' like Lil Wayne, so I haven't made the time to blog. Please accept my humblest apologies, and look forward to regular posting starting next week.
"Do you know what you packed your daughter for lunch?"
"Uh, a tuna sandwich, some carrots, and probably a cookie or something."
"Oh, a juicebox."
"That wasn't a juicebox," she says. "That was a single-serving box of red wine."
Dad's first response: "Red wine with tuna?!" After realizing the magnitude of the event, he offers to come pick it up.
She laughs and says, "It's already been taken care of."
"You suck at cooking. You f*ck up rice. You think Cayenne is that fat b*tch from around the way and Old Bay is the piece of sh*t that keeps calling the cops on you and your boys. Don't you think you would get some major action if you were able to pull off an edible culinary concoction? Follow these easy recipes and you will be swimming in the sea of love before you know it. Dap! "5. Hilarity on Twitter. And also sadness. But if we can't laugh at sad things, life is not worth living.