I Am a Dickhead

This is officially the catchiest song ever, but I feel a little guilty listening to and enjoying it so much. Why? Because I'm pretty sure it's talking about me and possibly my friends. So I've decided to go through the lyrics (except the chorus, obviously) and evaluate each statement. Bear with me.

KEY: A rating of "T" means "this is true about me," "I wish this were true about me," or "I agree." A rating of "F" means "this is false about me" or "I disagree." If I feel explanations are necessary, they will follow each answer in parentheses.

"Got on the train from Cambridgeshire" T (I ride the train a lot, albeit not in England)

"Moved down to an East London flat" T (I think they're talking about hip neighborhoods and/or cities, so I'm pretending San Francisco is the same thing)

"Got a moustache" F

"and a low-cut vest" T

"Some purple leggings" T

"and a sailor tat" T (vegan is just as dickhead-y as sailor, I think)

"Just one gear on my fixie bike" F

"got a plus one here for my gig tonight" T (I'm the plus one, actually)

"I play synth" T

"We all play synth" T (a lot of us do)

"20-20 vision, just a pair of empty frames" F

"Dressing like a nerd although i never got the grades" F (I did get the grades)

"I remember when the kids at school would call me names" T

"Now were taking over their estates, whoa" F (I don't even know what this means)


"Polaroid app on my iPhone" T (I have some antique-photo app, which is probably even worse)

"taking pictures on London Fields" T (Dolores Park counts, right?)

"up on the blog so everyone knows we're having new-age fun with a vintage feel" T

"coolest kids at a warehouse rave" T (I wish)

"exclusive list -- look, there's my name" T (again, I wish)

"I got in... You couldn't get in" T (I do get in a lot)

"never bought a pack of fags; I only roll my own" F (I'd be the sloppiest cigarette-roller in history; also, smoking is bad for your health, kids)

"plugging in my laptop at the Starbucks down the road" F (I hate coffee)

"say I work in media; I'm really on the dole" F

"I'm the coolest guy you'll ever know, whoa" F


"Loafers with no socks" T (dude, seriously, what is wrong with this look? I love it)

"Electropop meets southern hip hop" T (sounds like something I would like)

"Indeterminate sexual preference" F

"Something retro on my necklace" T

"Basically, I'm a part-time blogger" T

"and I design my own jewelry line; it's like a mix of religious iconography kind of with a Saved by the Bell vibe" F

"I organize a vegan crunk night" T (I'm going to start one now)

"Uh, yeah, I'm currently writing my own magazine, and it's all about my balls" F

"We're putting on this rave in an abandoned mosque, and all the proceeds are going to that thing that happened in Africa or the Middle East or whatever" F (this appalls me, actually)
Final score: 20 true, 13 false. So, apparently, I am overwhelmingly a dickhead. But hey, at least I am cool! EAT IT.

Want to take the dickhead quiz? Let me know your results!